Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
