I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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