he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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