evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
