We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
