I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
