Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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