Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
