just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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