why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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