If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize