The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's blow job season.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
