There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
