He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
