So gin and wine won't be happening again
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize