i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
