I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
