I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
