They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize