return my video game
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
