Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
