If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize