Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There r osticjed everywhere
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
