Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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