barbara walters just said penis...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
