Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
