I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You have to summon your inner elephant
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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