Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
