saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
