it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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