I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
