my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
