I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
