my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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