i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
