Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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