new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
