Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm both gender and math confused
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
