my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The uberlube is also flammable
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
