dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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