I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
