how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
