i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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