I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
