So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
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