I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
