it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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