Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize