I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
