Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
