hotel room ftw
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
