On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Someone signed my nipple.
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