forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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