Nicole vs. Life
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
