Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
