Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize