So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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