Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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