i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize