Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
