I'm going to jail i love you
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
