Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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