Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
