I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
