just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
