Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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