im six kinds of drunk right now
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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