We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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