Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
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