but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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