Me too!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
