Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
