having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
