u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Randomize
