the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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