I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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