you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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