Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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