I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
