How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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