i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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