Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize