Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
