He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
