I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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