My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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