I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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