Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
