im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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