my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
